When I visited the library at the weekend, one of the books I brought home with me was 'The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook'.   i'm not sure why - I suppose I might have have been panicked by its exhortation that 'You must have a survival plan.  And your plan should consider the following essential elements: food, fire, water and shelter, as well as signals and first aid.'

Well, it must have triggered of my 'Be Prepared' alarm switch, because minutes later I had dived into the Co-op and stocked up on wine. peanuts, chocolate and fire-lighters for the evening ahead.  Then I got into the shelter of my car, and made a  signal at the old duffer in front  who had mistakenly put his car into reverse instead of 1st when about to leave the car park.  Fortunately, I didn't need the first aid essential element after that particular signal.

I now know, however, how to escape from quicksand, a mountain lion and killer bees, how to wrestle free from an alligator, and how to fend off a shark.  I also know how to jump from a building into a dumpster, how to leap from a motorcycle to a car, how to manoevre on top of a moving train and get inside and how to win a sword fight.  What I am still left in the dark about is why I would need to know these things, living as I do on the Isle of Wight.

What is potentially useful is the advice about how to deal with a charging bull, since there is a bull in the National Trust field next to us that we walk through with Dog.  He seems more interested in his lady friends than us, but you never can tell.   But now I know that I should not antagonise him.  As if!  And I should look around for a safe haven - but running away isn't likely to help as bulls can easily outrun humans.  And it is a very large field - even Paula Radcliffe would struggle to run from one side to the other.

If the bull charges, and if save haven is not available, one should remove one's shirt, hat or another article of clothing to distract the bull.  The bull will react to movement, so throw the article as far as possible and the bull will move towards it.

And there the advice stops!  So do you risk running when it is checking out your tee-shirt or do you stand as still as a statue until completely naked, and hope another rambler comes along?  And will it become even madder when it realises that it is a stinky, Primark rag worn for six days by a rambler trying to walk around the island without stopping?

Frankly, the thought of ramblers and my neighbours stripping off makes me want to try my chances with the  alligator.