I've got a day off work to put this Christmas thing to bed for once and for all.  However, In truth, since I started blogging there doesn't seem to be an appreciable difference between work and a day of leisure.  In fact, I'd rather be at work than have the morning I had shopping:

  • Note to independent shopkeepers: If you must employ your teenage children in a bid to (1) make them earn their pocket money (2) teach them a work ethic (3) live in hope of starting a Sainsbury style shopping dynasty or (4) just want to annoy them, please ensure that they understand the concept of customer service.  A grunt and a sleep-walking expression just doesn't have the same effect as a cheery smile;
  • Note to self: never, ever attempt to ask a teenager if they have any liquorice comforts, and expect anything other than a look of bewilderment.
  • Note to Co-op staff: only wear flashing Christmas earrings, funny hats, those things that bobble on sticks, and tinsel if you have a matching cheery Christmas expression on your face:  If you must yell out "These are the last of the King Edwards!" and "the Chablais is going like wildfire - we need more boxes" then you must expect to get your boppers crushed in the ensuing frenzy and panic.
  • Note to self: why didn't you ice the bloody Christmas cake weeks ago, instead of futilely tramping around every supermarket in town looking for cake decorations.  Serves you right if you have to present a nude Christmas cake to your parents.
  • Note to baker's assistant: (yes, the woman-disparaging baker has a new sidekick).  Do not reply, when asked if you have any bread rolls left 'What you see is what you get - you should have ordered them weeks ago!".   You were only asking for the sarcastic, but creative, suggestion about your baguettes from the woman in the queue behind me
  • Note to self: Do not attempt to reverse car into drive whilst thinking of all the ways you could get your own back on Mrs Charmless the Baker's Belligerent Bat.
  • Note to butcher:  It is Not NOT safe to say to people queuing in your shop ' Goodness, every one has a blank look on their face today.  Cheer up, it's only Christmas' and then charge them £24 for some fillet steak and £40 for a turkey.  Blank expressions are a far, far better thing than murderous ones.
  • Note to self: If consoling yourself in the carpark by munching your way through a bag of liquourice comforts, then remembering that when you were a child you and your friends used to pretend that the red ones were lipstick, do not attempt to see if it still works.  Remember, that old man in the car next to you does not immediately realise that you have just been reincarnated as a  Marilyn Monroe-type glamour puss.  He just thinks that you are a daft old bat, and blowing him a kiss  will simply ensure that he drives off at top speed leaving his baffled wife somewhere in the village.
  • Final note to self:  If you have to go out shopping for 3 hours, why oh why did you forget the only important, necessary thing on the list - apart from Dog's christmas present and alcohol?

So I am off to the shops once more, and if that idiot in the Co-oop should yell out "That's the last of the toilet roll, folks!" expect trouble later.