I was sitting quietly in my office, peering at the computer, with Dog lying beside me, when suddenly we both looked up at the ceiling. Like we were taking part in The Muppet Show when a Voice announces "Pigs in Space". Yep, we can hear the patter of tiny feet, scurrying along the beams in the loft. Mice (hopefully, not rats).

How did they get up there? Do they parachute in from nearby trees? Abseil across from a nearby shed? More importantly, how do you persuade them to move out again? I'm too screamish about putting poison down, not to mention worried about Dog eating it. And if you catch them in those humane traps and let them go again, don't they move straight back in, albeit with a bemused expression, unless you work out how to block their access? I need some help here. I need a First Mate Piggy to help me out.