I'm having to prop my eyes open with matchsticks today. A bad night full of crazy dreams. This is what happens if you forsake your nightly glass of wine and opt instead for tea. That is the thanks you get for nobly forbearing to settle down in front of a drippy movie with a bottle of wine and a large bag of Walker's Sensations, having offered to fetch your husband from a party at one a.m. A husband whose gratitude, whilst genuine and heartfelt, extends to telling you when to change gear and pointing out the entrance to the road in which you have lived for five years, then hogging all the duvet and snoring loudly.

But am I bitter? Do I forgive him? Well, obviously. Because he left me alone with our Valentine's "joint" box of Hotel Chocolat pink champagne truffles. And whereas I would normally avoid chocolate because it ruins a perfectly decent Sauvignon blanc, I discovered that they go rather nicely with a cup of tea. I'm not selfish, though. I've let him have the pretty box.