How is it, I demand to know, that if I tap my foot or fingers in accompaniment to my ipod whilst watching football AND proffering the occasional comment on the offside, the two-footed tackle with studs up from behind, the was-it or wasn't-it a penalty and sending off or Bouffon's odd looking outfit, that I get tutted at and prodded?

But Dog can make offensive noises from both ends and scrat at fleas with impunity?

Admittedly, I might have spoken at volume due to competition with The Stereophonics - but wives have rights too.